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Way Too Fast, Way Too Perfect
10.29.2004
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What is a perfect rebound? In basketball, a successful rebound is when the ball fails to enter the basket and the opposite team steals the ball. In relationships, a rebound is when you try to get into another relationship immediately after a really painful break-up.
I am probably in a rebound relationship if I would follow the above definition. But this time I would prefer ignoring the common rules of dating. I choose not to rebound.
When I met Nico, I never thought I was ready for something serious. It was a casual Friday, and Nico accidentally bumped into me. He apologized, then introduced himself. I never expected this. I probably expected myself scoring bargains because it was a crazy three-day sale at SM Megamall, so crazy that one would not need to lift his foot in order to walk - the people behind you would just push you forward. I didn't score a bargain. I scored a pot of gold.
Sense of humor is one important thing I normally look for in a guy. I want someone I can kid around as if we are just buddies, someone who can throw back a better joke than me.
(Hold your breath - There's more to come)
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One Of Hearts
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I am single.
Normally, I wouldn't sweat this kind of stuff. I love being single. I love being the captain of my fate, the master of my sex life. I was single for almost three years (after James & I broke up), and I turned out perfectly fine. Even better, a few might argue.
But in some wicked twist of fate, or an unfortunate alignment of the stars and planets, all four of us somehow managed to be not single for a while. Brad and Alex had been on and off since the beginning of time. Athen and Coco had been together since last year. I finally snagged Chris last May, and Tonsy found Rocky short after. For months we were all happy, as couples and as individuals happy for their friends.
I probably never pictured myself as the one who would break the balance in our circle. I wasn't even aware that Chris & I were doing roughly. To cut the story short, Chris was my Jack Berger. He had issues, he needed the break, he ran away not wanting to make things work.
Which left me standing alone and single. Again.
Last Saturday we were all at Starbucks. Coco & Rocky came along. So this is how it's going to be from now on. I'm stuck with the happy, discreetly holding hands couples. And I'll be left sitting alone having horrible Bridget Jones flashbacks.
(Hold your breath - There's more tO come)
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Game Over
10.07.2004
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October 06, 2004
Game Over
I think I blew it. this is probably the end. Chris is headed back to Laguna and considering the talk we had before he left, I don't think he would want to come back again. Well, yeah, to pick up his stuff. I didn't want everything to end this way. I didn't want to end anything in the first place.
I'm afraid to admit it, but officially, I am at that stage I fear the most. The picture I was avoiding, the scenario that I never even considered thinking.
I feel so tired and helpless. I want to just rest and close my eyes. Eventually cry.
I think I'm going to be out for a while.
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StrengthsWeaknessesFearsContact
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