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Airquoting
4.23.2006
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For the past two months I've been in denial about Eric's mysterious disappearances. In numerous instances he conveniently "left his phone" somewhere, or "fell asleep" several times throughout the day, or "had a hard time with network signals", I simply believed in every lame excuse, not bothering to investigate, or dig a little deeper. Back then it was easier to assume he was telling the truth.
On that day we had 'the' talk, there was an implication that the guy I saw with him at the Fort was just a friend, a hang-out buddy. And so that was settled. But last tuesday after he left saying "I'm having dinner with my mom" I saw him at Shangri-la with that same guy.
That was when I started figuring out all the airquotes.
And I'm done with the airquotes. I've had enough.
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Ovens, Bottle Caps & Toothpicks
4.07.2006
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I detest those days I preferred to be passive and ignorant. Five long years of taking each day for granted when I could've done more productive things with my time. There are thousands of books out there that could've went through my hands, or classics waiting to be watched. And I stood high, doing nothing, like the grasshopper who sang all summer.
Hanging out with Eric made me realize that I have brain cells too, that were in the brink of being converted to dandruff if left idle. I didn't want to grow old listening to random people talk and find myself saying "oh, I didn't know that." If someone would make fun of Sherwood Anderson and a toothpick, I want to be laughing really hard and not making a puzzled face while trying not to be oblivious.
I grew up with the notion that I was a really smart kid, because that's all I hear from my parents. According to them , I learned the alphabet by myself. They were caught by surprise when I was pointing letters on my grandfather's tombstone and reciting them loudly. My father bought a set of encyclopedia and an atlas when I was seven. After a few months, I knew all the capitals of all countries (except parts of Africa, I was a bit of a racist then) and my proud parents would parade me around making people quiz me about geography. But the USSR was still one whole republic, so it was so much easier back then. I shoud've been on that "gifted child" children's milk ad.
Twenty-two years after, I find myself a bit juvenile. It's flattering when people say that you look younger than your actual age, but it's a completely different thing when your IQ's delayed by five years.
All I'm saying is, when I finally die, I'd like them to find me suffocating inside an oven. Or choking on a bottle cap. Or a toothpick. But until then, I am nothing but shittr, shikt and shitsky.
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Birthday Week
4.05.2006
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Pfft. I'm 22.
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You know how one day isn't enough to celebrate. Well, I'm not exactly celebrating like the usual 'I'm having a party' kind, but I'm keeping the birthday spirit alive for one week.
Monday: Saw The Squid and the Whale on DVD. Or two-thirds of it. The last part kept skipping. Parted ways with Eric (headed to the gym) with him saying the line "Happy Fishing". Had a very long YM conversation with Peewee about that and it ended with a confession about how Eric was planning to break up with me last January.
Tuesday: Having no sleep, I went to MCS to surprise Eric (he was gonna return the skipping DVD) and planned to confront him about our 'undefined' relationship. We bought a few more DVDs, then brought home a lot of food and pigged out in front of Nanny McPhee. Then we stayed inside my room and just talked, eventually I made him open up about us, and got the answers I wanted. Except for that incident at Fitness First The Fort.
Wednesday: The big day.
One Month After: i kind of forgot that this entry was left unfinished. Honestly, I don't remember a thing about what happened after my birthday.
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