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Filling Empty Spaces
12.11.2004
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I probably would never understand Nico.
It’s been days since we got back together. Well, yes, I am happy about it. I wanted it. I fought for it. It’s just that sometimes I wonder if he’s worth all the effort. Lately he has been very moody, and he gets mad at me with little things like bringing chocolate for dessert or not replying to text messages ASAP.
During that little time we were not together, I figured that what Nico wants is a man who is perfect. Someone who isn’t capable of making any mistakes. I am not even close to perfect, not any man for that matter. I am smart, but sometimes smart people choose to be dumb. For weeks, I tried to convince myself that I was a good match for him, that even if I am not perfect Nico would be happy to have me.
Boy, was I wrong.
I found out that Nico was playing around. He meets other guys behind my back. He knows that I know. But still it doesn’t bother him. He acts as if he did nothing, oblivious to the fact that I could barely breathe every time the image of him entertaining Andrew, Josh or Rubenson crosses my mind.
The thing I don’t understand is that he’s still clinging on to me. I cannot think of a reason why he would still want me. He’s not taking me seriously. He's out there, secretly looking for someone else. Is he keeping me in case he can't find any? Am I his fallback guy?
I keep on asking so much questions. I keep on wasting so much time reassessing this relationship. But all these time I never bothered asking myself this one question. If I already know all these, why am I still clinging on to him?
I probably would never understand myself either.
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StrengthsWeaknessesFearsContact
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